For me, no is the one of the hardest words to say. Declining people is a personal weakness of mine. If someone were to ask me to join them in an after school club or activity, I'd accept their invitation without stopping to consider whether or not it was something I had an actual interest in. I'm a people pleaser. I feel like I have to say yes to everyone and everything. I don't like drama and I don't confrontation so I'll give the response I know people want to hear, sometimes sacrificing my own happiness in the process. I thought that saying yes was the only way to avoid disappointing my family and friends and for a long time, I was so focused on pleasing the people around me that I began to feel out of touch with what made me most happy.
Learning to decline someone's offer was tough. If it was my insecurities holding me back, it didn't seem like a legitimate excuse. I had to be genuinely unavailable and if I wasn't, then no other explanation mattered. What I've learnt is that saying no is a right and if something doesn't sit right with you then that's reason enough not to do it. Every time I used yes when I really wanted to say no, I was putting other people's feelings before my own and that's fine to do from time to time but if you're constantly committing yourself to things you don't feel okay about doing, you can begin to lose sense of what you really enjoy and are most passionate about.
I've definitely gotten better at saying no now that I know the people who truly care about me will respect whatever choice I make. If I had continued to take part in everything my friends and family members had asked of me, my life would have revolved around their interests and values instead of being shaped by the things I liked and believed in. Saying yes to things without taking yourself and your feelings into consideration leads to a very negative way of living. I had no idea how much control that simple, three letter word had over me. Knowing how to say no is an important life skill that most will be able to do with ease, however for those who struggle like me, just remember that your happiness and wellbeing matter so if you're not enjoying something, stop doing it. If you know you're not going to like something, don't sign up for it. It's okay to say no.
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When it comes to major let-downs, I tend to obsess over the situation for quite some time. In my head, I think of everything that could have happened differently like What if I had said this? or Would I be in this position if I had done that? When you put your utmost effort into something and it doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to, it's one of the hardest situations to bounce back from. If you're finding it hard to recover from a disappointment, hopefully this blog post helps in some way.
Express Yourself
Remember that it's natural for you to feel the way you do. Don't try to bottle it all up because this can potentially lead to a greater outburst. It's best to isolate yourself while you come to terms with the situation so find a quiet room and let your emotion show. Sometimes it helps to see your feelings on paper so grab a journal and pen and throw every negative thought onto the page. If writing things down doesn't do you any good and you need the rebound of conversation, find a trusted family member or friend and sit down with them for a one-on-one discussion.
Try Not to Take it Personally
Don't let setbacks knock your confidence or make you question your worth. If you apply for a job and aren't accepted, it's nothing against you as a person. They would have been looking for a very specific set of skills so don't blame yourself - or more specifically, your weaknesses - for the outcome. When something isn't meant to be, it simply isn't meant to be but just because this position wasn't quite right for you, doesn't mean there aren't any out there that are. The qualities you possess are valuable no matter what, it just depends on who is willing to support you in utilizing your strengths.
Don't be Discouraged....
because when one door closes, another one opens. The chance of a lifetime could appear when you least expect it to so keep an open mind. When it comes to chasing your dreams, don't be fixated on the idea that there is only one way to get there. Things don't always turn out the way you want it to because that's the way life is. Totally unexpected. If you have your whole future mapped out, keep in mind that things won't always go accordingly. Plans change but don't let that notion stop you from achieving your goals! Things happen for a reason so if you've missed out on one opportunity, expect an even better one to be heading your way. Just keep your head held high and don't lose hope.
